Friday, June 19, 2009

My baby is growing up fast

This week has been crazy as we all try to get settled into a Summer routine. Big sister Panda is here for the Summer so it has been a bit hectic getting things ready. The day before yesterday I went to get Vic signed up for preschool in the fall. Once I did it the emotions hit me so hard. She is growing up so fast. I cannot believe how big she is now. I almost feel afraid to close my eyes. I am afraid I will open them and she will be a teenager. I imagine I will be a complete wreck by the time she starts school. She is so excited and is convinced she is all grown up now that she gets to go to school.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The Waiting Game

Last week I posted about my first mammogram. Here I am sitting a week later wondering when I will get the results. I have a bad habit of not worrying about things until a test is completed. It drives me crazy. My mind immediately tries to convince me that the results will be positive the moment the test is completed. I hate it and I wish I was not like that. I know it is not true. I know I am just fine. I just cannot help myself. I tell myself I am being silly and that everything is normal. I have tried really hard to put this test out of my mind for the last week. Every day I wait for a phone call and check the mail for some news either way. I am not sure how much longer it will be before I hear either way. I just hope I hear something soon.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Cowboy Up

I think I was in desperate need of a getaway. I was feeling cooped up here in the house and itching to get out. Our family has a small ranch in northwest Colorado. It is nothing super fancy but we sure do love and enjoy it. This time of year Daddy is extremely busy going back and forth to tend to our cows and help Grandpa tend to his and ranch stuff. I decided that just like I was desperate to get out of the house the girls were desperate to play in the dirt.

I am always reluctant to go because the drive is so long. That is probably the only thing I really do not like. I wish we lived closer. It takes us 5-6 hours depending on how many times we have to stop for the kids. It is not just how long it is but a lot of that drive is through the mountains. The roads are steep and winding and so much of it freaks me out. My hubby is a really good driver. Most of it is just the fact that I am not behind the wheel and in control. That said, the drive is absolutely gorgeous. I just look out the window and find myself in awe of the Rockies and all their glory. There was still some snow on them. On the drive home we got a bonus and it started raining which quickly turned to snow. We were laughing at the thought of snow in June. Victoria wanted us to stop so she could taste the snow flakes on her tongue.

The trip for us this time was a little rougher because we had to leave after the hubby got off work on Friday. The drive is worse at night and the girls were definitely more irritable. Aside from all that we made it in one piece. The ranch is literally in the middle of nowhere. It is about 90+ miles from the nearest town. There are no luxury items that we are used to having here at home. There is no TV, no phones (unless you want to walk to the top of the hill and hope for a signal), the beds are extremely uncomfortable and there definitely is no internet. Instead we traded all of that for wagons of dirt to play in, horses to ride, a very bumpy ride out to the pasture in Grandpa's rusty old jeep, fresh air, and peace and quiet. It turns out though it was just what we needed. The girls love it there and it does not take much to entertain them. Give them a wagon and shovel and you have enough for hours of fun. For me it was awesome. The only thing I HAD to do was sit in a lawn chair and watch my girls have fun. I grabbed my crochet and sat down to make some dish towels. It was so peaceful and relaxing. There were none of the stresses that I usually had. No feeling like there were so many things to get done and not enough hours in the day to do them. There was no planning and definitely no agendas. The entire weekend was spent winging it and doing whatever the heck we wanted.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

My First Mammogram

As women we are always told that early detection is the key to having a fighting chance when dealing with breast cancer. Along with regular breast exams we should be getting regular mammograms. I have to admit I was never looking forward to this moment but I knew one day it would be my turn. Well, today it was my turn.

The thought of the entire process really caused me to have a lot of anxiety. I was slightly nauseous for the entire day yesterday leading up to the test today. It was the fear of the unknown. What to expect. What would it be like? Would it hurt? On top of that there was the added anxiety of dealing with private parts of my body. Here I would be putting these private parts in the hands of some stranger. It was all new and scary. I knew the importance and I knew that no matter what this had to be done.

Once I arrived I was still very nervous. I knew everything would be okay and I just kept trying to tell myself that. The ladies there were all very nice. Since it was my first time they came in and explained to me exactly what they were going to do. They did everything possible to try and put my mind at ease. They took 4 x-rays and the whole process took less than 30 minutes. The part that really struck me the most was when they asked me after they were done what my thoughts were. They wanted to know if it was so horrible that I would never come back or even tell my friends not to do it. I will admit the process was uncomfortable and not something I will look forward to again. It was definitely not the horrible pain I feared but there was some discomfort. It did not last long at all though which made it much more tolerable.

All in all, everything went just fine and I had nothing to stress about as far as the exam was concerned. As women it is something we need to endure. I recommend it to everyone on a regular basis. If you are reading this and going for the first time please take my advice and lose the stress and anxiety. It is definitely not as bad as I convinced myself it might be. One tip is to take some pain meds like some tylenol right before you go. That might help ease some of the discomfort you will feel.
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