Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Always Daddy's Girl

March is always one of the hardest months for me. Growing up I longed to be Daddy's little girl and while I was not always certain about it, I now realize I was. It has been 9 years now since my Daddy passed away. Does the pain ever really go away? I still cannot even think about him without crying. I miss him so very much. I think about all he has missed out on that I want to share with him. His grandkids for one. He never got the chance to meet either of my girls. In some ways I feel so cheated. I get so angry sometimes when I think about it. I know he would have adored them. No matter what they will never know their grandfather. It just is not fair.

There are so many every day things that remind me of the good times we used to share. When i was younger we used to do camping and every year we would go tubing down the river. We also shared a love for the San Antonio Spurs. We used to go to the games together all the time. It was our time and I will cherish those memories for all of my life. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can even still hear his voice. I just wonder if I will ever get past it. After so many long years you would think I would be further along in my grief. I feel like I should be used to the idea now that he is gone forever. I just miss him so very much and I wish he was here with me now. I truly believe he is watching over me and my family. I can only hope he is smiling down on me and feeling pride for the life I have made for myself.

Always in my thoughts and forever in my heart.

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